A long long time ago, my husband, our two sons and I had gone out for an
ice-cream treat. It was sometime when I was always thinking of curbing
unnecessary expenditure.
As a selfless person, who was too much
in love with her family to deny them of any pleasure, I always chose to
sacrifice my own excesses. And it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice
ever, because I was a woman of very few needs/ wants/ desires...
So, when my husband asked each one of us to choose our favorite flavor of ice-cream, I responded as usual, “I won’t have any.”
The boys enjoyed one round and ordered another; my response remained the same, “I don’t want any.”
I
was happy in my family’s happiness. I was happy that my not indulging
in pleasure was perhaps ensuring some more goodies in the future for my
dear ones. .
But my husband looked at me and said, “Please
don’t do this to yourself and to us. I want a happy wife; not a
sacrificial lamb. I have seen that too much sacrifice eventually leads
to bitterness and victim-mentality. And I sure as hell do not want you
to develop that.
You see, after a period of time, the boys and I
will stop asking you for your choice, because we will assume that you
don’t want it; we will take you for granted and subconsciously start
treating you as a doormat... It will then hurt you.. and you will feel
miserable and unimportant. You will think that we don’t care about you.
While
in truth we would be behaving naturally, knowing from experience that
you don’t care for yourself.. That your wishes are not important... .
So,
I suggest that you always take your share and then if you really don’t
like it, share it with someone who does. That will be good for all of
us. You will learn how to claim your importance in your own and our eyes
and we will always ask you. There will be happiness all around.”
His
talk made sense to me and I couldn’t help but think about many older
women who always complained, “I did so much for so and so but today they
don’t even think/ care for me.”
I also remembered many
instances where children would turn back and say, “But why did you do so
much? Did we ask you for it? You did it because it made you happy. Who
asked you to be so self-sacrificing?”
This train of thought made
me take a re-look at the word 'self-less', equating it with
self-sacrifice. That day the meaning of these words opened up for me!
Self-sacrifice ......... is not the balanced way!!!
LIFEMUDRAS by -thescorpion is a heartfelt exploration of life in all its raw beauty and quiet mystery. From fleeting emotions to lasting revelations, -thescorpion captures life’s rhythm one story at a time. The writings are reflections, a mirror to our own experiences—thoughtful, tender, and real. With each post, you are invited into a space of connection, pause, and gentle self-discovery. This blog is -thescorpion's ode to the human spirit and the ever-shifting landscape of feelings. LIFEMUDRAS
Thursday, June 21, 2018
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