THE ACTOR'S EMPTY CANVAS

The actor's empty canvas........

VIJAY - the name everyone reveres in Bollywood. He wasn't just an actor par excellence but a star in his own right.  He was something else, a magic. A method actor, and a master at depicting varied emotions.  Switching and manipulating emotions was like a child's play for him. From making you laugh your head off in a comedy scene to making your heart ache in a sad one, the transition was seamless and effortless. The audience would just watch him in awe. He had an endless list of movies in which he had acted, each one a masterpiece, a testament to his intense acting.  Vijay's roots were very modest, and he came from a very ordinary family who had seen the lows of life. He had scaled the heights of the glitzy world purely because of his amazing talent and perseverance. No nepotism, no out of the turn favors. As it happens most of the time, with all that fame, a little bit of arrogance and overconfidence seeps in.  Probably it's a part of the package. 

Today, on the set, Vijay was giving a really intense scene, crying over his screen mom's death. His voice, heavy with emotions, resonated in the studio. His eyes showed a pain so real, so raw, it felt like he wasn't acting at all. The director, with tears streaming down his face, and the entire cast and crew, they were just lost in his performance. The whole studio was enveloped with sadness which was unreal, until the director, his voice choked, finally shouted, "CUT!"  Only then did everyone realize, "Oh, it's just a shoot." It took a while for everyone to recover. 

Vijay leaned back in his chair, a smirk on his face, already thinking about his next scene. He picked up his phone, and saw innumerable missed calls from his wife Jaya. He felt a bit annoyed, but then a strange sense of uneasiness came over him as he called her back. "Vijay," Jaya's  quivering voice, cut through the stillness and the quiet, "Maa guzar gayi hai, ghar aa jao jaldi se." The words just hung there, a cruel echo of the scene he'd just done moments ago.  Vijay was numb, empty, and strangely couldn't react, his mind suddenly a deafening blank. He asked for a pack up, the news felt like a heavy, invisible weight. He rushed home. 

 

The drive home was a blur of eerie silence, but so deafening - it matched the emptiness inside him. No tears, no frantic calls, just a cold numbness. As he walked into his house from the patio, the carvings on the pillars of his palatial house seemed to be frozen in silence. As he neared the majestic hall, he could faintly hear the sounds of people sobbing inside. The moment he reached his mother's bedroom, which was near the puja room, his family members, the house helps, all were in tears and the grim faces of his neighbors greeted him... On the bed, his mother lay still and peaceful. But Vijay, the master of emotions, was surprisingly bereft of any emotion.  It was like a part of him had been cut out, leaving behind an empty shell. The actor could not even emote or feel. 

What an irony - THE ACTOR COULD NOT ACT.

He looked around, everyone was in grief, but it was only him, who couldn't react. A cold fear crept into his heart. He couldn't understand why he wasn't feeling anything. Had his real emotions been taken over by his method acting? Had all those years of perfecting fake pain and joy, love and sorrow, stolen his ability to feel them for real? The question echoed in his mind, a scary thought that maybe, by impersonating every character over the years, he had stopped being himself. Like Shah Rukh Khan once said, "Hum ek baar jeete hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi bhi ek baar hoti hai... aur pyar bhi ek hi baar hota hai." But for Vijay, it felt like his emotions had died many times over.

The pain of this realization was much deeper than any he had ever shown on screen. The iconic scene and dialogue from his mega blockbuster film DEEWAR  reverberated in his mind in a loop. "Aaj mere paas gaadi hain..Bangla hain property hain..bank balance hai, sab kuch hai, lekin aaj mere pass maa nahin hain ... that's the   bitter truth - the irony.

The applause, the awards, the fan following – it all felt empty in front of this crushing emotional void. The man who could make millions cry with just one emotion, one tear shed now stood before the biggest tragedy of his life completely, terrified, dry-eyed. He remembered another dialogue, "Rishte mein toh hum tumhare baap lagte hain, naam hai Shahenshah!" But here, in his own life's tragedy, he felt like a nobody.... an empty canvas.

Credits:

1. My friend Chetan Shah for sharing the concept of the story.

2. Internet: {Method acting is a technique or type of acting in which an actor aspires to encourage sincere and emotionally expressive performances by fully inhabiting the role of the character. It is an emotion-oriented technique instead of classical acting that is primarily action-based. - Source www.studibinder.com} 

THE ILLUSION OF "I"

 

The Illusion of "I"........

Advait, scrolling through his phone, suddenly let out a frustrated sigh. Aditi, who was sitting relaxed in the living room, looked up. "What happened?" she asked, concerned. "This guy on social media," Advait grumbled, showing her the screen. "He's saying that vada pav is overrated and pav bhaji is the real king of Mumbai street food. Can you believe it?" Aditi chuckled. "Well, everyone has their own preferences, Advait." But Advait was already worked up. "It's not just a preference, Aditi! It's like he's attacking our city's identity! Vada pav is a classic, it's iconic. How can he even compare it to pav bhaji?" His voice had risen, a touch of defensiveness creeping in.

Aditi gently closed the book she was reading and said, "Advait, he's just sharing his opinion about food. It doesn't diminish your love for vada pav, does it? Or the fact that so many people in Mumbai enjoy it?" Advait frowned. "But it's just... wrong!" he insisted. Aditi smiled softly. "See, that's your ego talking. You're taking his comment personally, as if he's criticizing you for liking vada pav. But he's not. He just has a different taste. Your ego confuses opinions with facts, and then it feels the need to defend itself, even when there's nothing to defend."

Later that day, they were stuck in typical Bombay traffic. A car abruptly cut in front of them, nearly causing a fender bender. Advait instinctively honked loudly, slammed his hand on the dashboard, and muttered angrily, "What an idiot! Don't these people know how to drive? This is why traffic is so bad!" Aditi calmly said, "Maybe they're in a hurry, Advait. Let it go." Advait retorted, "Why should I? They can't just drive like that! It's so inconsiderate and dangerous." Aditi sighed. "Again, you're focusing on your reaction – your anger and frustration – instead of just acknowledging what happened. The car cut in front of us; that's the fact. Your anger is your response to it. Your ego cannot tell the difference between the event and its reaction to that event. It takes everything personally, as if that driver intentionally set out to annoy you."

The next morning, Advait was reading the newspaper over his chai. Suddenly, he slammed it down. "Can you believe this?" he exclaimed, pointing to a headline about a local politician involved in a corruption scandal. "Another one! These idiots are ruining our country, our city! They have no shame, no morals! It makes my blood boil!" He was visibly agitated, shaking his head in disgust, feeling a deep sense of betrayal and anger, as if the politician had personally wronged him. Aditi, seeing his distress, gently put her hand on his arm. "It's certainly frustrating, Advait, and corruption is a serious issue. But notice how you're reacting. The news is a fact – the politician is accused of corruption. Your intense anger and feeling of personal violation, that's your ego's interpretation. It's taking the abstract idea of 'our country' and 'our values' and making it a personal attack on you. The truth of the situation, the facts of the corruption, don't need your anger to be true. Your anger is just your own emotional response."

Advait finally started to see her point. Whether it was a trivial comment about food, a rude driver, or frustrating news about corrupt politicians, his immediate response was often fueled by a sense of personal offence. He was so caught up in his own viewpoint, infused with a sense of "I," that he couldn't see the situation objectively. His ego was a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation, always ready to jump to the conclusion that something was directed at him or was fundamentally "wrong" if it didn't align with his internal narrative. 

Aditi's gentle reminders helped him realize that most of the time, these external events weren't personal attacks, but simply things happening. His awareness, not his overthinking, began to create a crucial space between the event and his emotional response. He learned to observe: "There is the situation, and here is the anger I feel about it." This simple act of observation allowed him to see that there were other ways of approaching situations, other ways of seeing them and dealing with them, leading to a calmer, more rational perspective. Slowly Advait was trying to come out of THE ILLUSION OF "I"..........

THE BOMBAY LOCAL LOVE STORY

 

The Bombay Local Love Story........

 

Every morning on the busy Bombay local, something quietly magical was happening.

Advait, a shy South Bombay guy, always had his nose buried in a book or a newspaper, even with people squished around him. Aditi, full of life and chatty, was from the suburbs and studying engineering. Their paths crossed every day—usually at Dadar station. He always managed a window seat. She often stood in front of him, holding the bar overhead. It wasn’t love at first sight. Not in that sweaty, noisy train. But something soft started growing.

First, they’d steal glances. Then came a smile over a funny headline in his newspaper. On a rainy day, the train stopped suddenly between stations, and the lights went out. In the dark, Advait gestured and offered Aditi his seat and a piece of "thepla" (a type of Indian bread) which his mom had packed. She laughed and took a bite. That tiny moment broke the ice—and made the whole train compartment warm up to them, too.

Soon, their commute became the best part of their day. They talked about everything—college stress, silly Bollywood news, and who sold the best vada pav. Advait, usually quiet, started opening up thanks to Aditi’s cheerful nature. And Aditi, who once thought South Bombay boys were snobby, found Advait sweet and surprisingly funny.

Their chats didn’t stop with the train ride. They’d walk together till the exit, not wanting to say goodbye. Their friends teased them, calling them "train wale lovebirds." Eventually, their dates moved beyond the local train—Marine Drive sunsets, roadside chai, wandering through Colaba lanes. But the train always felt special, like their personal Cupid.

Of course, they had their share of little fights—missed calls, late trains, small misunderstandings. But just like the rhythm of the local, they always found their way back to each other. Through the madness of city life, they found comfort in each other's company.

And now, years later, they’re settled and have a family of their own. But whenever they hear the sound of a local train, it brings a smile. It takes them back to stolen glances, shared theplas, and a quiet love that grew in the heart of Bombay’s chaos.

Their story isn’t flashy. It’s soft, simple—and full of heart. Just like Bombay itself.

 

WORLD BACK UP DAY 31st MARCH

Today 31st March 2021 I got two notifications on my phone.

1.. From my calendar app saying that today is WORLD BACKUP DAY MAR 31ST...strange I was not aware of this.

2... The phone software said new updates are available. Please back up your data and update. Nothing unusual.

Suddenly a thought struck me - The dumb smartphone reminds me about updates and periodically tells me to back up my contents. 

Do we do this in our everyday life? Do we express our gratitude everytime? Do we thank our family, friends and acquaintances? Do we acknowledge the universe for what it has bestowed upon us?

The almighty has blessed us beyond measure.

Just like if we do not back up our data we stand to lose our valuable information. The same applies to our relationships too. Isn't it?

May you back up everyday.