SELF SACRIFICE - Not a balanced way.

A long long time ago, my husband, our two sons and I had gone out for an ice-cream treat. It was sometime when I was always thinking of curbing unnecessary expenditure.

As a selfless person, who was too much in love with her family to deny them of any pleasure, I always chose to sacrifice my own excesses. And it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice ever, because I was a woman of very few needs/ wants/ desires...
So, when my husband asked each one of us to choose our favorite flavor of ice-cream, I responded as usual, “I won’t have any.”

The boys enjoyed one round and ordered another; my response remained the same, “I don’t want any.”

I was happy in my family’s happiness. I was happy that my not indulging in pleasure was perhaps ensuring some more goodies in the future for my dear ones. .

But my husband looked at me and said, “Please don’t do this to yourself and to us. I want a happy wife; not a sacrificial lamb. I have seen that too much sacrifice eventually leads to bitterness and victim-mentality. And I sure as hell do not want you to develop that. 

You see, after a period of time, the boys and I will stop asking you for your choice, because we will assume that you don’t want it; we will take you for granted and subconsciously start treating you as a doormat... It will then hurt you.. and you will feel miserable and unimportant. You will think that we don’t care about you.

While in truth we would be behaving naturally, knowing from experience that you don’t care for yourself.. That your wishes are not important... .

So, I suggest that you always take your share and then if you really don’t like it, share it with someone who does. That will be good for all of us. You will learn how to claim your importance in your own and our eyes and we will always ask you. There will be happiness all around.”

His talk made sense to me and I couldn’t help but think about many older women who always complained, “I did so much for so and so but today they don’t even think/ care for me.”

I also remembered many instances where children would turn back and say, “But why did you do so much? Did we ask you for it? You did it because it made you happy. Who asked you to be so self-sacrificing?”

This train of thought made me take a re-look at the word 'self-less', equating it with self-sacrifice. That day the meaning of these words opened up for me!

Self-sacrifice ......... is not the balanced way!!!

True Love - My perspective

Love - the tingling sensation and the jittery feeling when someone special comes in person or in your thoughts. I am talking about that deep down, life changing, earth shaking, always-and-forever kind of love—the stuff of poetry and legend.

Many people are skeptical, and for good reason. Today’s culture isn’t very fertile ground for romance.  With social media, text messaging and online dating, we’ve revolutionized communication but we’ve lost the art of relationships. There are very few success stories. Most of the time it seems like there are very few people having real, face-to-face conversations anymore.

But I believe and I know that - True love is Real, Deep, Unconditional & Everlasting. The reason it is so rare is because it is so misunderstood.

Most people’s idea of TRUE LOVE looks something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting out there somewhere, THE ONE they are destined to be with. And that special someone is looking for them too, and it’s only a matter of time before they meet each other—and of course, they’ll both live happily ever after.

NONSENSE it is.

Happily ever after never exists. And God never hand picks one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.

The truth is, love can only be found within.

Most people who are looking for love OUT THERE are actually just running away from loneliness. They constantly settle for less than what they want, and less than what they deserve, because their greatest fear is to be alone, grow old alone and die alone.

The fear of loneliness prevents us from experiencing the real intimacy.
True love lies beyond that fear. We have to face that  FOREVER EMPTY the unquenchable sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality, that in the end we all face death all alone.

The truth is that real love requires real inner work that most people just aren’t interested in. It requires that we first be happy in our solitude; that we come to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. We have to find our peace of mind, find our purpose, our passion. We lay down the ego’s defenses and be naked and vulnerable; that we give up our planning and fantasizing about the future and live in the NOW. Only then are we really ready to love. When you fully grasp that tomorrow is not guaranteed—that this moment is truly all that we have—there is nothing to do but give everything you’ve got, expecting nothing in return.

In fact, you know in advance that your heart will be broken. You will be lied to, you will be taken for granted; you will be hurt and disappointed. Sooner or later, between here and your deathbed, you will have to say goodbye.
You know it, you accept it, and you love anyway.

Real love is divine. It comes from a relationship with God, a dance with emptiness which takes us beyond the human self, beyond the ego’s petty games to know a timeless love; to taste the fullness of joy.

What we call TRUE LOVE is that rare and sacred union that happens when two people join in this dance together.

It is a friendship, a love affair and an act of worship. passion, lust, affection, caring, trust, respect and devotion all become part of the exquisite surrender. Lovers merge with each other and with the vast, wild universe. Neither knows for sure if it will last a weekend or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is this moment of oneness—holy and beautiful.

It contains eternity.

Don't get me wrong

I am not saying that relationships are bad and that you should avoid getting in them. 

In fact, getting into meaningful relationships is one of the most important and significant things that can happen to a person throughout their lifetime.

Finding a person that genuinely connects with you and the entirety of who you are can be unmatched by anything else that happens to you throughout your lifetime.

But sadly most of the times in life this does not happen. Fairy tales are not always real. Even in the most beautiful relationships there are discords, misjudgements, fights etc. but how soon we get out of these and how much efforts we apply to resolve the differences makes all the difference.

Life itself is not beautiful it is all about how beautiful we want it to be.

Don't get me wrong.......

Be Yourself

You are special, and there is no need to want to be special.

You are special, you are unique—existence never creates anything less than that. 

Everyone is unique, utterly unique. There has been no person like you before, and there will never be a person like you again.

Consciousness has taken this form for the first time and the last time, so there is no need to try to become special: you already are.

If you are trying to be special, you will become ordinary. Your very effort is rooted in misunderstanding. It will create confusion because when you try to become special, you have taken one thing for grated—that you are not special. 

You have become ordinary already. You have missed the point