WORDS - Healer & Dealer

Words hold the power to destroy, but they also hold the power to create.  This is because words do more than define our experiences.  In many cases they actually create them.

Help me finish the following phrase: “If you can’t say something nice…”That’s right: “don’t say anything at all.”  Most of us only think of that phrase in terms of how we talk to others.  But what about how we talk to ourselves?  If we say something nice to ourselves, it can be wonderful, encouraging, uplifting.  And if we say something negative or critical or depressing to ourselves, it can be absolutely devastating.

What about that little voice that lives inside all of us?  You know what I’m talking about.  Listen.  I bet you can hear it right now:  “What voice?  I don’t have a little voice.  This Sean guy is crazy.  I ate too much and feel bloated.  I’m tired.  That girl over there doesn’t like me.  Did I leave the stove on?

Yeah, that voice.  It’s constantly talking to us.  During the day it chatters in the background, making us feel insecure or sad, and at night it narrates our dreams and nightmares and keeps us awake with worry.  That voice is not something we need to be afraid of; it’s something we need to take control of.  Think of the voice as a two-year-old child.  What would happen if a two-year-old reached out of her highchair for more dessert and you ignored her?  Maybe she would scream and cry until you at least paid attention to her.  Sadly, this is what happens to our internal voice.  I have found that most people never deal with their inner voice until it gets too loud and starts acting disrespectful.

To escape this internal turmoil, we often numb ourselves into oblivion by overeating, watching too much TV, having impersonal sex, drinking too much alcohol, using drugs… the list goes on.  For some people, the inner voice gets so hurtful that they believe that the only way they can shut it off is by taking their own life.  This is not the outcome I want for you or anyone else in the world.

Like good parents of demanding two-year-olds, we need to take control and start parenting our inner voice.  Would you talk to your child or best friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself?  I didn’t think so.If we catch ourselves saying mean things to ourselves – “You’re too fat!  No one will ever love you!  You can’t do anything right!”  – we have to intervene and say, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  I’m just a little tired, scared, overwhelmed right now.”  Apologizing to ourselves is a foreign concept, but it’s necessary.We must respect ourselves.  Practice talking to yourself the way you would talk to a best friend, a mentor, or someone you really look up to.  Trust me, life will place plenty of obstacles in your path.  You can’t afford to be one of them yourself.

The following is an excerpt from Get Off Your “But” by Sean Stephenson.

The Free Prisoner

Life - we see it all around us,buzzing, moving, and still. Happiness and sadness both exist at the same time. This reminds me of the basic principle of accounting - For every credit there is an equal debit. Happiness, sadness is it real, fake, perception or plain mirage? What we all perceive is with respect to. That one is more happy than me. That one has more wealth than me. That one is more lucky than me. What does it mean? It means that we ignore our happiness and create sadness for ourselves. We are making ourselves a prisoner of our own thoughts.Is it necessary or has it become the only reason of our existence? The spirit is free and totally devoid of expectations. Aren't we free prisoners?

What you do makes a difference.

Every act of yours, every choice you make each day contributes in one way or the other.

Do not think that you are just a speck on the infinite canvas of life and it does not matter what you do – the world will always be the same. That’s not true and not the correct thinking. Your every action and every word makes a difference to someone. Your power - positive or negative contributes to the energy of the universe.

A thoughtful mind and a motivated individual can change the world and history is a witness to this, that it always has and will always make a difference. The smallest seed gives birth to the tallest tree.

The real change has and always starts with an individual, an individual who dares to dream of a different world, influences people to join him on the quest to get there, and takes action accordingly.

Easier said than done – but it doesn’t have to be grandiose and insurmountable plan or action. It simply has to start with the intention of changing one person atleast.

Borrowing Strength Builds Weakness

Borrowing strength builds weakness is a concept that hit close to home with me.

When you borrow strength from others, you build weakness in your own character.  And just to be clear, we’re not talking about effective delegation.

Trying to do everything yourself is not only ineffective and impractical, but it’s selfish and just plain wasteful.  What we’re talking about here is the idea of staying within your comfort zone, avoiding risk, calling it quits too early, asking for help before you really try, letting your inner weakness take over before you allow your inner strength the opportunity to build you up for the next time, etc.

One of the realities of life is that challenge, struggle, and difficulty will always turn up on your path.  You can count on it.  And what we’re here to remind you of today, is that the other reality of life is that you always have 100% control over your mindset and how you choose to handle those challenges, struggles, and difficulties when they turn up.  Are you going to lie down in a corner and assume a fetal position?  Or are you going to dig in your toes and charge forward?!  Are you going to accept your fate as having been dealt a poor hand with poor circumstances and people in your life?  Or are you going to take control of your choices and play your hand in a creative, powerful, meaningful way? Are you going to choose flight?  Or to fight?!  The choice is yours.

And remember, as my experiences have showed me, you do have a choice.

#1

“Ask not for lighter burdens but for broader shoulders.” ~ Jewish Proverb

#2

“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

#3

“Never be ashamed of a scar.  It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~ Unknown

#4

“Surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character.” ~ Anthony Robbins

#5

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’  No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” ~ Dalai Lama

#6

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

#7

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

#8

“I’m stronger because I had to be, I’m smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I’ve known, and now wiser because I learned.” ~ Unknown

#9

“I keep a prism hanging near the entrance to my home. Its beauty, made possible only by the broken nature of the glass from which it is constructed, serves as a constant reminder that even the broken pieces within each and every one of us can serve as a source of light. It’s a lesson that took me some time to learn.” ~  Rachel Grayczyk

#10

“Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

#11

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men! Do no pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.” ~ Phillips Brooks

#12

“The storms will come and the winds will rise and the gusts will threaten to pull you from your roots. Let the winds come. Let them rage and know that you will not break in the breeze, you will bend. Bend. Always bend because you are made of more strength than you know, because you are better than the breaking.” ~ Tyler Knott Gregson

#13

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out from the depths.  These people have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

#14

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” ~ Christopher Reeve

#15

“Life is an ever-flowing process and somewhere on the path some unpleasant things will pop up – it might leave a scar, but then life is flowing, and like running water, when it stops it grows stale.  Go bravely on, my friend, because each experience teaches us a lesson.  Keep blasting because life is such that sometimes it is nice and sometimes it is not.” ~ Bruce Lee

Only you can make the difference.............

One of our basic desires as humans is the desire to feel as though we are a part of something greater than ourselves.  It’s our desire to feel as though we have contributed, that we have given back, and that we have made a difference in the world – so that we may find comfort in the way we have lived our life.

Too often, we get caught in the trap of thinking that if we can’t make a big enough difference in the world – then it’s not even worth trying.  We play these wonderful, grandiose, and romantic images in our mind of how we can change the world… only to be confronted by the reality of how darn big the world really is!  …And with limited resources and time, our list of blockades, challenges, and excuses tally up and ultimately immobilize us through frustration.

And when that happens… We miss our real opportunity.

Our family.  Our friends.  Our neighbors.  Our co-workers.  Our community members.  These are the people that stand to grow and learn the most from our influence and our ideas.  As someone has rightly said, “The rest of the world isn’t nearly as important as the few who are here.”  Focus too much on the many who are not here and you lose the ones that are right in front of you.  Don’t act backwards.  Start by changing the lives of those who are around you, form deep connections that last (not superficial ones that hardly extend past formalities), and let that influence carry your legacy like a ripple from the center of your community and into the rest of the world.

Want to make a bigger ripple?  Connection is the key.  Connect with like-minded individuals who can help you make a bigger difference right from the stomping grounds of your own backyard.  The size of the ripple multiplies with the size of the team of connected, determined, and readied minds and start figuring out how you can broaden your network of connections and start making a real difference, with the ones closest to you, today.

MOVE FORWARD

"Aage badho,aage badho", the people in the crowded train were saying it to their fellow passengers in spite of knowing that there was almost no place left in the compartment. To my utter surprise the call seemed to work and the crowd adjusted. By the time the train had reached it's stop the people had plonked themselves in their slots. Some of the passengers got out and a new  batch had entered. The same thing happened. It was astonishing and a learning lesson.

The same applies to life too - I see people all the time become victims of their circumstances and life challenges.  When life gets tough or depressing, they adopt a negative perspective and think to themselves about how unfair life is: 

How they should have been born into better circumstances with more money; or how they should have been given better opportunities; or how things should have happened differently.

Well, the truth of the matter is that life is going to happen – sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  The one true thing that you will always have 100% control over is your response to these events.  When you adopt a positive attitude and always look for the good in any given circumstance – how could you not move forward…? 

"Aage badho, aage badho"......

Reaction & Response

Reaction & Response -

Do I have a choice?

In a restaurant where me and my family were dining, suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it! She started screaming out of fear.

With panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

 If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my friend or my wife that disturbs me, but its my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. Its not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. More than the problem, its my reaction to the problem that hurts me.

The Take-Away : The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

We should not react in life, we should always respond. Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always intellectual. We have the choice to choose our response and our freedom and happiness lies in our choices !